As my family and a few friends know, my uncle died this weekend. My uncle Dan could be many things, but he was always steadfast. He could tease or be deadly serious. He always had a candy dish. He was a man of firm opinions and determined manner. You always wanted him to be on your side. He was a firm support for family. He died completely unexpectedly of heart attack early Sunday morning in his sleep.
Needless to say this has hit my family very hard. My mom's sister, Aunt Charlotte, and Uncle Dan had been married for a very long time. I honestly don't know how things will come out in that. I am very glad because I believe alot of people are coming around her to help, including her family. Lots of people were there with my Aunt.
I personally feel very displaced because my usual method of engaging grief is to be busy helping. I feel disconnected from my family in this grief. It is a long distance shared experience and I am not familiar with that. And I can't help my Aunt Charlotte personally out here in N. Virginia. I am also someone who places a great deal of feeling on occasion. Social gatherings, as inept as I feel sometimes in them, are important in placing yourself, in realizing your loss. In identifying others you can help and who can help you in shared grief. Yet I am unable and far away. I wish I could help my family. I wish I could be with my family to help them.
I do feel like I am helping in some way because I am actually dog sitting for my cousin Hope. When I agreed to house sit while Hope and Terry were at Terry's brother's wedding no one could have anticipated that I would also be holding down the home fort so Hope could go to her father's funeral. They are very torn between the joyous event of a wedding and the wrenching sadness of death.
I do feel a bit better today on a different front. The cold is finally receding. I don't feel like like I have been hit by a truck today. Possibly only a smart car. The pressure is going away in my sinuses (with a liberal application of dayquil) and the snot is not moving out of my throat with quite the speed. And I am CONSCIOUS, which is much more than can be said for me on Saturday.
And today is a biology day, which means I only have to do physics, not sit through a physics lecture, which is great! And I do love biology.
The long and the short? Today I am surviving and maybe even doing well. For these small things I am truly thankful.
3 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear about your uncle :( You and your family are in my thoughts!
First let me start off by saying how sorry I am for your loss. I know that it's difficult to lose someone you are close to and that distance only makes the grief more pronounced and painful. It's difficult, this thing called life isn't it? I know you're doing what you can from where you are and would be with your family if that were an option. You will get through this too, maybe not today or tomorrow but someday it will get better. For now it's just one day at a time and dealing with the pain of loss.
~Shannon
My dear, I am soo sorry. Know that my thoughts are with you.
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