Biology test back!

And I did well. It could have been better with one problem I know, but the prof said I was right on target. Onward and upward!!! I like A.!

Keeping up in pictures

Just thought I would share my good deal of yesterday. And an attempt at catching the beauty of the Cathedral.

Once again . . . short

The excitement in my life is small. Yesterday I rented my flexcar and decided to tryout the "sports car" which was the same price. Turned out it was a mini cooper! It was really fun to drive, and had lots of fun features. I wouldn't buy one, however. The car is arrogant. I didn't shut the truck hard enough so it wouldn't let me start the car! And at one point it complained for a solid 10 minutes about not a seat belt not being buckled. It wasn't mine. I was right and tight. However my monumentally large bag on the side passenger seat was apparently heavy enough to bug the sensor!

In other news, I also spent the day with my cousin Hope, found some really good deals at Target and . . . . got a microwave!!! Now I can eat microwave frozen dinners with the rest of Americans! Its not my plan, however. I am mostly excited about popcorn and defrosting meat and vegetables at the last minute! It looks very cute and settled and it was a fantastic deal. Hurrah!

All right. Must off to physics lab and the like. Tomorrow is that test at 6PM. Hopefully it will go monumentally well. I need it after the last two. I didn't bomb (I think) bio and orgo, but you never really know until you get the grade.

I met the cute guy!

The one in hall who talked to me a week or two ago. I saw him again just now and smiled (like I do at everyone . . . ) and he asked my name. Which was awfully brave considering I keep meeting him going in to the bathroom. He is really cute! I still have a test, and I may fail, but some random guy thinks I cute. It can't be that bad of a day!

Today organic chem. . . tomorrow the world!!!

I promise to write more tonight. But I am studying up for my evening organic chemistry test. And lets face it, it scares me when I see people in the library studying for the same test and I don't know what the heck they are doing!!! Pray for me. Now back to the molecular erector set.

Always good to know

I finished my biology test. Its always good to know walking out of a test that you definitely seriously lost points on at least 1 question. Totally pretty much didn't know it. Not completely at all, but close enough. Hopefully I will make up for it everywhere else, where I thought I did relatively good, if I do say so. We'll see if that is borne out in the future score.

I got enough sleep last night to feel pretty ok today, which I must say is a real improvement over yesterday, where I felt like I was going to fall over. But what can you say. I am still standing today. Thats all you can ask for.

Only physic and orgo to go today. And an organic chem lab report and prelab. Ugh. Hopefully I will survive that!

So I wish . . .

This is one of those days that I wish I was an insomniac. Instead I feel like I am narcoleptic, just on the edge of falling asleep all day. Tomorrows the biology test and I still have alot to cover. Hopefully it will get done and get in my head.

I am hoping to see my friend Missa this weekend. She is nearby. There is so much studying to be done. But I am trying to not sacrifice friendship and life for school. We'll see. Ask me next week Friday after all these tests are over whether this is all a good idea. I expect my perspective to be different than it was last week.

Its all about surviving. If I can do that, then I triumph.

I refuse

I refuse to fail physics. And last night I actually learned something and put it all together and did well!! Now I just have to get through all these tests coming up and survive those with grace.

On the friends and family front, things are still a lot bumpy. Crisis seems to pop up everywhere around me. But so far I am doing well. Things come in waves. I feel some guilt for doing well.

Last night I celebrated my triumph in physics by cooking up a some steak I bought on sale two days ago. It was fantastic. Coupled with a sweet potato with loads of brown sugar and butter and finished off with Krusteaz lemon bars, it was a great way to end a day. The best part was the physics triumph, but the steak came in close second. With lots of A-1.

New plan . . .

For every physics problem I solve, I get a Hershey's Kiss with a macadamia nut. I think it will work well.

Large coffee+studying during the day=very large no-no

Let me tell you, coffee in Malia before a long stint of studying in the library=very bad idea. I am jittery and ready for a run and I need to sit down and do physics homework. Ugh!!!!

Malia being Malia

So after my last post on Saturday I planned on getting some things done around the house, namely laundry. So freshly scrubbed, wet hair pulled back and jammy pants on, I left my apartment. What I forgot was my keys. And I had the door set to lock automatically. What woe is mine!

So down the hall I trudged, to the neighbor whom I have met only briefly. He was very nice and let me use his phone to call the emergency number. And let me hang around with him and his friend eating nachoes and drinking a lovely red wine. In my pajama bottoms. It was not the highlight of my career as an adult. But what can you do? I ask you?

Today is a full day of classes and prep for my first bio test on friday. We will see how that goes.

Today's good day pictures

The cathedral and Washington Monument. Me in my laptop reflection. Sunset.

Today was wonderful!

Today was wonderful.
Some days it is so much easier to praise God and be grateful. Today was one of those days for me. Today went smoothly and had several nice gifts. I wrote my biology report yesterday and wanted to look it over this morning. So I woke early and checked the GPS bus route map and found that I could either leave very early or be very late. And organic chem labs do NOT like you to be late. At all! So with four minutes til the next bus I was out the door. But I kept forgetting things. Like breakfast, and my keys, and my copy card to print my paper between labs. And my head. And brain! But I ran and distinctly remember putting my phone in my pocket. At the bus stop there was no bus. So I knew I had missed it and began walking. Quickly but still eating my cinnamon swirl bread. When out of no where came another bus. Its wasn’t the one I had missed. It was another one. And I was not at the bus stop. So I ran with my one hand on my backpack and the other full of bread. And I made it! Do you know how often I miss the bus like that? How often I run and just end up winded and silly and without transportation?

I arrived early to class but not intact. I forgot my goggles, which my TA could have sent me home for. But he took pity on me and lent me his extra pair. And the lab was fun. I really enjoyed it. I am actually looking forward to the next one. I did well! That is always fun!

My biology was printed, I think it went well, especially considering I am not certain exactly what they wanted in this case. And lab was enjoyable. We got to examine fertilization of sea urchins. How random and fun! Egg and sperm really are amazing!

And on the lawn of the school as I was leaving was a Brazilian band playing, with families gathering on blankets, couples dancing and everyone being drawn in to the joy.

I can home and found I hadn’t actually lost my phone during the course of the day, which is wonderful! And I went jogging (or rather sprinting today) and at the end of my trail I saw three deer. In metropolitan Washington DC! Three! There were seven boys, who looked like juniors or seniors in high school sitting there in a lee of trees. And they stared at me as I can round the corner. And as I tried to act nonchalantly out of breath and tired I saw the deer. One of the boys looked less susprised than the others and said that he had seen them before. In fact he claimed they had chased him off.

It was a wonderful day. And I made it my whole circuit running almost flat out. I am dead tired, but it feels good. After a difficult week, it feels wonderful to have a good, where I accomplished academically, emotionally and physically. Today is a good day. Time for salmon for dinner and maybe even a sweet potato with sugar and butter.

My love of quotes

"Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." Mark Twain

Biology and crap . . .

So yesterday I felt like the weight of all the world rested on my shoulders. There are many situations in my life which I can't help, which all I can do is pray and then set them aside. But some how I always feel responsible. As though there must be somthing I am overlooking in doing, something I should be able to help and change the outcome. I think mostly I feel like a jinx. As though connection through me in anyway is bad. This is utterly ridiculuous, so no one lose sleep over my worries. But convincing your heart with the same logic that works on your head is impossible.

To avoid the problems surrounding me which I cannot change, I took a nap. The second nap in two days (its been a long week). Then I watched McClintock! with John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara and read a book and ate Miso soup, which was the easiest comfort food I had in the house. It went a long way to restoring my equilibrium but it did not get my biology report written or my organic chem lab prepped for. So here I am at the 'big' undergraduate library. 'Big' because it is so small in comparison to Suzallo. Its more on the lines of UW engineering library, which is ok because I always liked that library a great deal too.

The Blommer Science library here has been my spot of choice until I realized I spent way to much time looking up seeing who was coming and going. After all the entire post-bac pre-med group practically lives in that library. Literally. If they didn't close, I wouldn't have to pay rent on my apartment. Although I always break down around 5:00 pm because I feel the need to return home and release stress by cooking. Which is tasty but annoying for leftovers.

Tomorrow is the lab day of length. 8Am to 4Pm. Oh what glories. However, only 8 of them left (already counting until Christmas).

Isn't it amazing how much and how little can be said in so much text?

Onward more

Today I have all day to get things done. I am hoping that I am actually capable of sitting down and doing it. Last minute always seems to suit me so well, the push and absolute need to get things done then, well, it just works.

Yesterday I laid low. I was late to physics again because apparently without rush hour, the 30 bus is incapable of being even marginally on time. So I left my apartment at 20 of 10 am and arrived at school at half past. I could have walk faster (much faster) than that! But I believe in that "as soon as you leave, whatever you are waiting for will come" concept which keeps me tied and waiting to the bus stop and the shuttle stop, despite wisdom to the contrary. So this morning I left my apartment 50 minutes early for class and of course arrive 25 min. early for class. Which I guess is how she blows. Roll with the punches, man, roll with the punches.

I had physics, organic lecture, then physics lab which was fun. I got to play with a motion detector and computer program that maps distance and time and basic simple stuff. It was great because it was completely self contained. No prep, no homework, just the exercise! Hurrah for easy!

I am still deal with my uncle's passing. It hurts. My cousin Hope should be returning home soon. Her girls will be delighted and so will her husband. My aunt will be staying briefly with my parents in Seattle. You just don't plan to spend your life with someone then have it end at 58 without some . . . adjustment? I can't think of a better word. Maybe trauma. All the plans are suddenly different, all the things that were established as normal, all the absolutes.

I found this quote today at google, and enjoyed it. Especially living where I do where everything is some how government, everything!

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' - Ronald Reagan

My eraser . . .

Its a matter of worry and pride that my click eraser is almost used to the end. Pride, because I have done that much work. Worry, that I will have to try and replace it! Today I am doing well. And that is all anyone can ask for. (And maybe to run into the guy in the hall again).

New appreciation for communication.

Having my own blog has given me a new appreciation for communication, the Internet, and all my other friends who have blogs. In fact I actually read them now! So everyone needs to write more often. I do hold some level of ambivalence of about blogs for the simple reason that I they don't necessitate actual involvement with people. You can check in on their lives without butting in at an inopportune moment, but they also don't know that you have ever "caught up" with you by checking out what is going on in their blog. It makes me a little sad. Which just reminds me that I wanted to thanks you guys who have left comments. Its like getting a wonderful note know that you are interested.

Today is a strictly biology class day but my physics problem set for the week are due tomorrow at 6 AM so all my studying will probably be directed in that way all day. I really foresee this first semester going relatively quickly, which would be wonderful. As I was explaining to my best friend Samantha, I feel like this is not the year to be expanded as an individual in society. If it happens to some extent I will be grateful. And I think a certain amount is necessary to remain not crazy or overwhelmed. But I also feel like this is the year to "get 'er dun." The sooner over, the quicker on the really interesting stuff.

I am hoping to make some more friends in the area, which has been happening slowly. Ah well, good progress is generally never as fast as one would want it to be.

The evening went well!

Hurray for hamburger noodle. Feels like home.

New backpack, new week, hopefully a new outlook

So I finally bought the new backpack, returned to one that was too small, and got some money back because I got an REI coupon! The new one is green (recommended by Payton and Hailey because of the color and because they just wanted to be done to go climb the rock wall) and it is huge! Hopefully it looks more overwhelming to me than anyone else. Hopeful it isn't as huge as I think!

After a difficult weekend, and I am hoping that week I can start fresh and be more on the ball, more intuitive and understanding. And hopefully get more sleep and require less. And use my time more wisely! On that score I am going to study some more.

Life, death and electrophoresis

Today my uncle is being buried. And I am tired and stressed and not there. I would just like to be with my family. Instead, one coast holds me loading protein samples in acrylamide gels to electrophorese and determine length/size and the other coast simultaneously holds the rest of my family grieving and celebrating the joy of my uncle Dan's life. I just feel . . . tired.

My new quote

Borrowed from google quote of the day. "The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking." - AA Milne

I thought this was a particularly excellent quote. I hope I am the last not the first two.

I survived physics class!

To the amazement of all, I survived and understood physics! If only the prof would not go so gosh darn fast! Stinkin' A! But thanks to my wonderful "Physics for Dummies" book, I actually understood what he was talking about! I do think I can not miss any class days. Otherwise I will be completely at sea. But triumph! today I wasn't lost!!

I am having an exceedingly hard time studying. Which is so bad! But I can't seem to kick it into high gear. But todays triumph should be helpful in encouraging me to go out on my own and studying like I will have no time tomorrow. Which is true!

On a funny note, yesterday I determined to lift myself from the dolldrums by retail therapy. A new backpack would lighten my mood and my load . . . so off to the Fair Oaks Mall REI and in search of a backpack that would hold my books and be good for day hiking. Talked myself into a very nice Northface backpack. When what to my wondering eyes, I packed for this mornings classes and I couldn't even fit as much stuff in there as my old standby backpack from Eddie Bauer. It can carry more weight technically. . . . but ugh! Admittedly I shouldn't carry as much but . . . needs must!

The bummers is the old backpack has spent its faithful . . . approximately 12 years! It is still going but it is stained. And the canvas waterproof coating is flaking off. The highlighter that sat in the pocket leaking now stains everything in it. But it works!! and everything mostly fits. Before it falls out!

The dilemna is yet to be solved.

AM not PM

So yesterday commenced another Malia moment. Those of you truly familiar with me will guess. These things do happen to other people but for some reason they happen way more often to me! Once again I set my cell alarm to 6:30 PM instead of 6:30 AM. 10 AM rolled gently around and up I woke, with a start! Needless to say I was appalled and being so far out it made it to late to catch my 10:15 AM class. More appreciation for being close to campus! So yesterday was another break day. Very little got done but I did catch up on my Dr. Who (a great BBC sci-fi show) and read some of my alternate physics book (Physics for Dummies) to catch the class. I understand more than if I had tried to go to lecture!

My cousin Hope made a brief stop home two days ago. For all of you who have extended your condolences, many thanks. I really appreciate how thoughtful everyone has been. I feel less involved in this death, like it hasn't really hit me yet. I am sure it will the next time holidays come around and there is no Uncle Dan on the couch.

Never mind. I revise that statement. It has hit me. Just not as often as it would at home. I feel . . . sad. I don't let myself dwell too long because I know that I can't do much with it. And can only deal with this in parts, one part at a time. And school worries do dominate me!

I have been concerned about my class load. That maybe I am taking too much on. That is a real possibility. However I have realize that there really was not any other way to do this course. I don't have to financial resources to do this program with out aid and I can't get aid if I am not going to school full time. Therefore this is the way I must do this. Suprisingly this has put my mind at ease a bit. I can;t look back and say "if only I had taken classes slower I would have gotten in . . ." because there wasn't an option like that here. My only option is to go at it full force. And I do think some of everyone else's confidence is sinking in. I will do this! I will be a doctor. Because gosh darn it, I am too darn stubborn and determined to do it and ridiculous to fail!!!

On that note . . . studying. Hopefully all day!!

Sadness, turmoil and biology

As my family and a few friends know, my uncle died this weekend. My uncle Dan could be many things, but he was always steadfast. He could tease or be deadly serious. He always had a candy dish. He was a man of firm opinions and determined manner. You always wanted him to be on your side. He was a firm support for family. He died completely unexpectedly of heart attack early Sunday morning in his sleep.

Needless to say this has hit my family very hard. My mom's sister, Aunt Charlotte, and Uncle Dan had been married for a very long time. I honestly don't know how things will come out in that. I am very glad because I believe alot of people are coming around her to help, including her family. Lots of people were there with my Aunt.

I personally feel very displaced because my usual method of engaging grief is to be busy helping. I feel disconnected from my family in this grief. It is a long distance shared experience and I am not familiar with that. And I can't help my Aunt Charlotte personally out here in N. Virginia. I am also someone who places a great deal of feeling on occasion. Social gatherings, as inept as I feel sometimes in them, are important in placing yourself, in realizing your loss. In identifying others you can help and who can help you in shared grief. Yet I am unable and far away. I wish I could help my family. I wish I could be with my family to help them.

I do feel like I am helping in some way because I am actually dog sitting for my cousin Hope. When I agreed to house sit while Hope and Terry were at Terry's brother's wedding no one could have anticipated that I would also be holding down the home fort so Hope could go to her father's funeral. They are very torn between the joyous event of a wedding and the wrenching sadness of death.

I do feel a bit better today on a different front. The cold is finally receding. I don't feel like like I have been hit by a truck today. Possibly only a smart car. The pressure is going away in my sinuses (with a liberal application of dayquil) and the snot is not moving out of my throat with quite the speed. And I am CONSCIOUS, which is much more than can be said for me on Saturday.

And today is a biology day, which means I only have to do physics, not sit through a physics lecture, which is great! And I do love biology.

The long and the short? Today I am surviving and maybe even doing well. For these small things I am truly thankful.