Day 2- My first great love (in great detail)

You thought I forgot this little exercise. Well, I didn't !

My first great love. Honestly, I hope it hasn't happened yet. My love life has been distinctly anticlimactic. My friends have fallen in and out of love with apparent easy, I hold romantic relationships and guys not "safe" at some distance (safe= gay, attached, or completely not right/unavailable). I am getting better as I get older, as my recent forays into the DC meat market can tell. And I see a bit more success. But still nothing that makes me lose my tight, fist-clenching grip on common sense and cynicism.

My first "love" (it was 6th grade and doesn't really deserve the word, but oh well). Ryan. Ironically blonde and blue eyed. I still "accidentally" date that type, even though I prefer a darker look. He was shyish, but popular. Lots of girls wanted to "go out" with him. I think we actually ended up at some social event "together" (parents preparing for an auction or something to that nature).

My first boyfriend came at the same time. While my love "went out" with someone else, I agreed to go out with Rob. He was kinda cute dorky, brown hair. Eager to please. When he asked me out several days in a row he offered to "change however you want." Cuz that's a brilliant dating philosophy. He is probably completely darling now. We date for the length of two recesses during a single day. Then I backed out because I felt so bad that wasn't interested in him really at all. I just wanted to be part of the cool kid crowd who all had boyfriends.

I am glad I am not in 6th grade anymore.

New project #4

Yep, I started a new project at work. Again. Man I need to grow up and go back to school and do something I truly love and believe in. If only I felt sure all the time that I knew what that actually was.

I started working for a really awesome PM, who had been a colleague on a previous project. Unfortunately the project may end soon, we aren't sure. We are up for recompete on this project too. I live in a wasteland of short term contracts. Thank goodness I finally took a leap on an apartment. If I kept waiting for something long term, I might never be going anywhere.

On this project, I finally get to be an analyst instead of an admin. Officially. On the last job, I totally made up my own title. I don't take appointments for someone elses calendar, I don't handle a general phone line, and I don't have to deal exclusively with one messy government client. Just a group of four clients, all battling for supremacy. Which may end up being worse after all.

Let you know how it goes. I may have to go into witness protection, but one day, I will find a venue for the ridiculousness I have been privy to working for the government.

Self-editing, truth and graciousness in discourse

"if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Yes, its good advice in a difficult situations. My mom generally didn't say that to me a lot, but she did say it. As I learn more about myself, as I grow up and explore my and hopefully end some of my more irritating and debilitating hang-ups, I wonder: am I say truth and giving honesty when its right, even when its not nice? Especially to myself. Denying feels doesn't end them. Feelings don't have to be fair to be real, to be felt, to effect decisions.

So I will work to be honest with myself. And kind in my speech. Except when it is right (I pray) to speak truth in love.

And here I will end. Because I am self-editing.

They never met an awkward social situation they didn't like

Apparently there is "surprise" farewell party for me on Thursday. Unfortunately since I get everyone's calendar invites, it's not so much a surprise. Except, I have only been here for 5 months. And frankly, they couldn't cough up a position that would keep anywhere near the manner to which I am accustomed (ie paying student loans AND eating).

Let you know how it goes. Sounds awkward.

First a bomb scare, then a fire alarm, now regular government irritating jargon

When I arrived at work this morning, I was literally turned away by FPS and the DC Metro Police. There was a bomb scare. I turned it to my favor and I shot up to Target to get a prescription I needed. Finally one entrance of the building was cleared by 10am. Apparently a painter was using a suitcase to carry his brushes and had a cell phone charging next to it, plugged in outside the building. They then used the fire alarm going off for a few minutes to inform us that the "all clear" had been given. Given how jumpy the 2 hour bomb saga made everyone in the building, I think the fire alarm might be a bit much.

It's amazing how much nonsense can be said in a single 20 minute period. Today during a staff meeting with my primary government client, he tried to refer to a big meeting that happened last week and praise everyone for coming together to help make it happen. Unfortunately for him, there was also, what could politely be termed "cat fight" on the same day before the event. Yelling, name calling, and physical intimidation (though the person swears that was not her intent) were all on the menu. Someone even reportedly called the cops (though they didn't show up as far as I know).

I hate it when say things like "look in the mirror" for the problem or "these people have our full support" or we are a"customer-focused" organization. As my wise father once said, "if you need to say it, it probably isn't true." Or in the case of the mirror, I have generally found most problems originate with the person espousing that line, someone who is trying to deflect attention from their own failures by pointing to other people.

But deflecting is something we all do. Like me. Because I am deflecting everyone and myself from focusing on the terrifying fact that I am not in medical school yet. And internally I am deflecting myself from my fear of applying and starting medical school. That I really need to figure myself out. Soon. But don't talk to me about med school yet. Please. It's scary enough without feedback. Trust me, talking about isn't going to make this better. But I am working on it.

Moments when time slows

I need one of those moments. When time slows down. Somehow I have made it "here", wherever here is, and yet I didn't mean to be "here." I think most folks come to some point like this in life. Generally, I think it's called a mid-life crisis. I want life to slow down so I can somehow make decisions.

And yet I am healthy and employed. A depressingly funny quote from Ben Morrell (yeah, high school drama friends) edges things into some perspective.
"L: You have a 1/11mil chance of crashing in a plane
B: I have a 1/25mil chance of getting this type of cancer I have! #FeelingPessamisticRWe"

The speed at which time passes should free me from worry, right? After all, I worried in January about moving and committing to anything when my job was uncertain. I worried about getting into a lease which wouldn't let me move back to Seattle right after I finished Georgetown. Yet I am still here, two+ years later.

Maybe this could be termed existential crisis. Probably not though. I'll let you know.

ToneChecker

My friend Ben Morrell posted this. A quick check confirms, this could be a hilarious invention for never getting anything said.

ToneChecker Plugin for Outlook

This was just what I needed after a long day at work.

The ladies at Laguna, CA

Aunt Myrna, Mom and I on the lanai at Laguna.

Family enjoying the parade

Flora's butterfly

Disney sense of humor

After standing in the wet section for the World of Color show

The family Disney adventure starts!

Starting the Disney adventure

Flora's first trip. Isn't she cute?

Then again Rome wasn't built in a day

Definitely still have a LOT of boxes left.

It's starting to look like a malia house

No Martha Stewart

No it won't win next month's cover of Martha Stewart. But it's fun and
wonderful to have one room in the house actually put together!

The elements of my style or more comedic than serene. I figured as long as I have to live with the brown bamboo wallpaper, I mind as well have fun with it. I drew the line at the plastic "grass skirt" shower curtain.  Should be funny anyway! 

Government and other bizarre lifeforms

Apparently one of the many microwave ovens that keep the office running (figuratively of course) died. A new one was promptly ordered to replace it. When Alice, the summer hire went to switch the units out, she found the old one wasn't broken, just unplugged.

Today is the first official day of summer. Considering it's hotter than blazes (estimated to be mid-90's this afternoon) I think it has been Summer for quite some time.

Checking out the balcony