Today it was time for a fresher look. For the blog. Also kinda thinking for me too. My hair desperately needs a cut.
All of that is external. And frankly small potatoes. I find out about school soon (hopefully Friday, more likely early next week). I have mostly given up pretending: I do have my whole heart desperately wishing for this opportunity. I have learned, slowly but surely, that padding myself from disappointment by never being emotionally engaged doesn't help save me hurt in life. It just always hurts. Because I am always disappointing myself by not reaching for the things I want. Not little want. Like seriously dreamed about my whole entire life. You know, being a medical doctor. Being disengaged emotionally is a valuable skill when used judiciously, but similar to chocolate, after a while it will just kill off your heart.
I hate "middles". Have I mentioned that before? It bears repeating. I hate that fact that a high functioning life (emotionally and physicially) is always about finding middle ground. Between cravings for sugars, for attention, for shopping sprees, for vacation, fulfillment of immediate desires versus long term gain.
I am working to love middles. Working being the key to that sentence.
1 comment:
Malia,
It must be part of being a middle child... but I could have written this entire post myself. We'll get there someday. Praying for good news for you!!
Post a Comment