Lia's Life

My running fiend

2011-10-25T09:39:00.003-04:00

Can we see track in this kid's future? 7 miles and he didn't break a sweat according to his mom. Go Declan!

2011-10-03T12:22:00.001-04:00

I'm the only person I know who could lose $20 within the time I crossed the street by placing it in my own pocket.

Opportunities, another job, and an earthquake

2011-08-24T15:22:00.007-04:00

Reality of the pay cut came due on Friday when I saw how much I actually make after taxes. Its dismal. So I must find another job. People with offers and ideas gladly entertained. I am still living with my wonderful friends Rebecca and Steve so the hard knock of rent and hunger are a long way off. But this isn't a permanent solution by any means. They need their basement and their pantry back and I need to stop feeling like a little kid living off her "parents"/friends. The feeling comes internally, not externally at all. Both Rebecca and Steve have been wonderful and welcoming. But gifts, even those generously given, shouldn't be presumed upon.

You know its funny. There was an earthquake yesterday. For most it was literally and figuratively earth shaking. It made a mess at R&S's. Some decorative plates fell and shattered, bookshelves upstairs were rocked. It looked as though a particularly angry and messy burgler had visited. Frankly though, it was not that bad at all. In fact it didn't rattle me as much as realizing I still need to move forward and the change in work wasn't a magical key to unlock my type A personality.

Still looking though. Wishful thinking, but I hold out hope.

I am so tired. Big surprise.

2011-08-04T15:19:00.002-04:00

The GOOD: So I started my new job at the GW MFA (medical faculty associates). I am almost at the end of week 2 and I have already learned soo much. I feel like my brain is working again, questing for new knowledge on a regular basis, trying to place all of the pieces in the right order. Ophthomalogy is a whole new ball game from pediatrics.
The BAD: I got official word yesterday that my "waitlist" status is now "thank you but no thank you" status from the med school. I guess there was still part of me that was hoping, even if the conscious part of me was resigned.
The "why am I being mean to myself?": I have regular prescription that I have been out of since Friday and I am starting to feel crappy without. Why do I do that?! Luckily my new insurance which officially started on 8/1 (but I can't claim anything with it yet because I am not able to complete a benefits election yet) prioritizes the pharmacy downstairs! And my primary care physician will be in this building. It should be really easy to get my medicine this coming month. I hope.

Let you know more as it goes. I am actually still at work trying to be involved except we do not have any patients (the attendings are off this afternoon). I do still have piles to learn.

I did it! Now what do I do.

2011-07-12T11:30:00.005-04:00

Guess what? I quit my job yesterday (or at least gave 2 weeks notice). I gave notice on my apartment last month after I wrote my last post and I have to move out by the end of this week. And after a month of searching, I still haven't found the right thing or where to move. It's driving me completely crazy. I mean, completely.

I am moving everything into storage and taking my cat, cat tree and the essentials (the bags get larger and larger everyday) and I am moving into my friend Rebecca's basement. Initially this was fall back should I be unable to find the right place. I can't believe she offered. I am soooo incredibly thankful that this is even an option!

So my living situation isn't settled (but I am not homeless, thank God!) and I accepted a job (official as of yesterday) working as an ophthalmology technician at George Washington University's Medical Faculty Associates. It's the clinics were the med school student go learn and the med school teachers actually see (pun-pun) real patients. Picture your doctor's office but squished into half size rooms and then triple the number of patients in the waiting room. They are expanding the ophthalmology clinics. There are 7 (I think) different clinics within the ophthalmology department for different types of problems.

Can you tell how scattered I feel about my own life? Oddly enough (or not when you consider the psychology of the matter) it is translating into much better focus at work. I am really chopping away and getting stuff pushed out and finished so much faster than usual!

I can't wait! I am going to be broke but I am soooo excited about the work! its going to be completely awesome!

its going to be a long couple of days

2011-05-31T11:54:00.002-04:00

Merissa is moving, work is in turmoil, I have meetings in weird locations (Rockville without a car sounds like a good time, doesn't it?). Frankly, I am just tired and hoping that wonderful solution I can settle comfortably into appears on the horizon. But frankly, I have prayed and worked for these changes. How can I possibly complain when the change finally happens. So what if I need a cheaper place to live! Seriously, jobs pretty much thrown in my lap and I am complaining because the one I want doesn't pay enough but has lots of potential? Shut up, Malia, and get on with finding a roommate. There is SOOO much more of life to live.

Proud turn of phrase

2011-05-25T09:35:00.001-04:00

While your intentions are dark your meaning is clear.

I came up with that on the fly. Kinda of proud of that. Very . . . deep somehow. :)

"A wise man will make more opportunity than he finds."

2011-05-25T09:00:00.003-04:00

I have had this quote at the top of my blog since I started (how many years ago now!). I saw myself as making the opportunity to go to Georgetown. I didn't realize how much I would come to believe it. How much I would come to believe how much we really DO have power over our circumstances. We set the stage for our own success and failures. And even mediocrity.

Clearly there are many things out of our control. Other people, sickness, the economy to name just few. Bad things do happen to good people. But I keep thinking of that quote I posted a few weeks ago: he who will not economize will agonize. That's me! I am not super good at economizing but I am good at agonizing! I am not set to go broke soon or anything, but I definitely feel like there are days when I buy things I didn't really mean too. Especially when I go back and look at receipts after a few weeks (hindsight being 20/10). Did I really spend $30 going out to eat on a Monday? and that restaurant was lame and carb intensive. Clearly I am not good at economizing with food or money. Hmm.

I guess what I am trying to describe is this: separate from illness and acts of God, if I am unhappy with how my life is going (which I currently am a bit frustrated with since I haven't really done all I could do to pursue my dreams) I need figure out how I am going to change it. Because I am the one who put myself here: in this city, in this job, in this apartment, in this debt, with these friends. Me. I chose it. And God has blessed it (see "with these friends" and "in this apartment" and even "in this city").

When a "holding pattern" is going on 3, it's time to find out why and change the pattern

2011-05-24T12:00:00.001-04:00

After another round of evaluations of myself and some pointed comments from friends, I stick to my MD asperations. I was playing with the idea of a Psy.D. (a professional doctoral degree in psychology) because I love psychology. It is fascinating. I mean, who reads stuff like that for fun? Umm . . . .me.
I have to be honest and say, I am still not sure why the MD is stuck. Frankly there are other professions I might be better suited for, actually have more aptitude for. Maybe it is the little kid not letting go of an idea or still trying to prove everyone and myself wrong about not being "built" (personality suited and naturally talented) for the job.
We will see (me included in that "we").

quotes of wisdom

2011-05-04T10:24:00.002-04:00

It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do
Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.
He who will not economize will have to agonize.

Something to think on for me

2011-04-25T10:52:00.003-04:00

"Maybe it would be good if med school could marry someone else?"
"Well fortunately or unfortunately for me, med school is polygamous so the hope keeps going."

Not sure what this moment of decision means for me. I am not done with the "healing business." Since it looks increasingly less likely this year will mean med school (still praying hard though), I am looking at fulfilling alternatives to improve my application and make me happier then my current job, even if they pay less monetarily. Unfortunately, I cannot do this without an eye to the checkbook, so any job has to offer enough money for me to eat. And I love eating. I am a poor candidate for the "ramen diet". Now "pancake and crepe diet," I may be able to get behind something along those lines.

Its like a plane ticket on standby at Christmas

2011-04-04T15:45:00.001-04:00

Likelihood is just not so good.

Food blogs of interest

2011-03-30T13:54:00.004-04:00

Interesting food blogs (this is mostly for myself, I promise!). The.thekitchn.com http://cannelle-vanille.blogspot.com/ http://eatlovedrink.com/ http://brokeassgourmet.com/

I finally got to take mom to see the cherry blossoms

2011-03-26T19:56:00.001-04:00

Unsuccessful self-portrait

Slightly more successful self-portrait

Mom by the Jefferson memorial

They were just soooooo beautiful

A few more....

2011-03-26T19:55:00.000-04:00

Kitchen knives in purses and other stupidities

2011-03-24T14:44:00.009-04:00

I have been having a wonderful birthday. I appreciating being 28, a transition between years which is relatively easy, not a completely major adjustment. I am still young (despite the comments of a few irritating co-workers) and have a lot of time ahead to explore.

Mom flew in on Tuesday afternoon just in time for a birthday dinner. I had jokingly told Merissa and Mari I wanted Popeyes for dinner and they went overboard and took me to Nora. I admit a small group fried chicken dinner isn't exactly out of the ordinary, but Restaurant Nora maybe overboard!

For those of you familiar with Merissa's goings-ons, I will say her recent troubles make me realize what brilliant lawyer I could be if I just had the patience and the desire to sacrifice my life to argument. Doing research on a subject quickly (1-2 day period) and doing it every day is another story.

Alright, down to the headline story. Yes, I commited a complete betise and put a kitchen knife in my purse. Merissa gave it to me for my birthday Tuesday night. So when I decided to make this fabulous wild rice salad I wanted to use the new Santoku knife. Mom and I went grocery shopping nuts. Food for the century except focused on perishables (yeah fruit and veggies!). But in line to pay I reach into my purse for my Safeway card, totally forgetting the knife.

I tried to downplay how deep I thought it might be. After all, I was in a Safeway in DC. I didn't exactly want to admit I carried a big kitchen knife in my purse because I am a complete idiot. Nobody freaked out, but I did get tons of free bandaids from the store manager, who now knows who I am and thinks I am a dufus but NOT potentially homicidal (which is good, because that is the best grocery store in DC!). I kept asking the manager, really pleasantly and jokingly, for gauze or something. He kept offering bandaids or alcohol wipes. Finally we managed paper towels.

Another adventure with Malia. Good times.

A new look: in honor of Spring, cherry blossoms, and my birthday

2011-03-22T14:45:00.006-04:00

Today it was time for a fresher look. For the blog. Also kinda thinking for me too. My hair desperately needs a cut.

All of that is external. And frankly small potatoes. I find out about school soon (hopefully Friday, more likely early next week). I have mostly given up pretending: I do have my whole heart desperately wishing for this opportunity. I have learned, slowly but surely, that padding myself from disappointment by never being emotionally engaged doesn't help save me hurt in life. It just always hurts. Because I am always disappointing myself by not reaching for the things I want. Not little want. Like seriously dreamed about my whole entire life. You know, being a medical doctor. Being disengaged emotionally is a valuable skill when used judiciously, but similar to chocolate, after a while it will just kill off your heart.

I hate "middles". Have I mentioned that before? It bears repeating. I hate that fact that a high functioning life (emotionally and physicially) is always about finding middle ground. Between cravings for sugars, for attention, for shopping sprees, for vacation, fulfillment of immediate desires versus long term gain.

I am working to love middles. Working being the key to that sentence.

Forgive me for all random pictures

2011-03-14T14:20:00.000-04:00

Follow up to New Year's resolutions disclosures= med school interview

2011-03-07T15:46:00.005-05:00

Ok, so I actually got an interview for med school. Virginia Tech Carilion. Its a new school (only 1 class so far) but it is provisionally accredited. I interviewed this weekend and I really, really like the faculty and the students. One of the charter class is even from UW and lived across the street from me in the 17th ave guys house (Christian guys house across the street) and graduated a year after me. How exceptionally funny is that! I know this still a long shot. But I keep hoping it is less of a long shot than I think. For all of you supporters, you have serious confidence in my awesomeness which isn't completely borne out it my application.

When I received the first rejection from GW (they interviewed 1,000 people, can you imagine?that is just insane!) I started to think that it was time to pull it together. So I started an MS project schedule of reapplying for this coming year. I think I need to pull it out and get it started. So that if I get in, good; if I don't, life won't end. After actually visiting Roanoke and the school, its really hard not to be very attached the idea of actually starting in August. I feel like the school is a really good fit for me (if not perfect). Lots of places to come up with new ideas and really cool learning style and even solid opportunities at the affiliated hospital (its a level 1 trauma center with 15 residencies). I know that I would not be the first one who has reapply for a couple of years. I just wish I could be one of the ones' who don't have to.

I am seriously thinking of making some changes though if I am not accepted on the first cut. It might be time to be drastic in my life realignment. Time to get started doing something I love.

I feel . . . sloshy

2011-02-28T10:07:00.002-05:00

I feel that rolling boat feeling. Not the "stomach is going to empty" but the head/body feeling of boat rolling. But I am sitting upright in a chair at work. I started to get sick Saturday morning and by night I had a full blown sinus infection feeling. A little sudafed and I felt loads better. I even did some yoga with Merissa and Mari last night. However it didn't help me sleep. At all.

I am not sure if it was the CVS Nyquil knockoff or what. I was fighting sleep hard (that is just me for some reason) and then I couldn't sleep at all. Finally turned the light off for good at 2am. I tried at 11:15pm right after leaving a message for Mom, then she called me, but I was trying soooo hard to go to sleep so I let it ring through to voicemail. I should have just stayed up to chat. It would have been a better use of time. Even though the light was off, I didn't sleep. I finally got out of bed at 4:50am and started reading. Watching the sun. Might as well. Obviously not sleeping any time soon.

I feel fine. Honestly. When I cough I sound like a victim of TB or 30 year smoker, and the whole rolling boat feeling. But other than that . . .ok I should have stayed home. But I don't have a whole lot of sick days and government may go on furlough in which case I would have to take days off. . . excuses. Long story short (too late you say) I am playing typhoid Mary at work. Except work is definitely where I got this little sickness. So share and share alike.

Valentine's flowchart from Mint

2011-02-11T15:26:00.003-05:00

Luckily I think I have plans this Valentine's Day. Because frankly these aren't options.

Provided by http://www.mint.com/

Taxes are not as fun when you don't over pay to begin with

2011-02-02T00:11:00.001-05:00

So I just filed my taxes. Which were very quick and I totally
appreciate that. But total it was $70 to prepare and file federal and
state plus $42 I owed because I had my withholding allowances high for
the last two months of the year (ps taxes start looking huge when you
go back to paying them).

On the upside, the ... "City"..."district"?... "Principality"? Can't
figure what it is and I have been here for over 3 years! DC owes me
some money back, so I still came out ahead of the game. But it is hard
not to feel irritated with the expense for the privilege of paying
taxes.

Taking the metro tomorrow. My tax dollars at work. :)

Sent from my iPhone

In honor of childhood seatbelt wearing

2011-01-15T18:33:00.000-05:00

So Merissa was yelling at us all for wearing for not wearing a
seatbelt after dinner. But the one making warning go off? Merissa. So
we made her get out and run around the car three times. :)

Snow tubing with Merissa and Mari

2011-01-15T18:32:00.000-05:00

Was fabulous. What a great way to spend a winter's day!

So what if you rock like it Leisel Von Trapp, you still rock it

2011-01-05T10:55:00.002-05:00

My confidence in choosing my own clothes is now based on that statement (at least a little). I think my style is (hopefully) J. Crew meets Anthropology (on a Marshall's budget). I just can't pull off trying to be Urban Outfitters, Abercrombie, or any variation had that has me in uncomfortable shoes or multi-patterned/shockingly bright clothing for too long.

I am sleepy but not asleep

2011-01-05T02:22:00.001-05:00

For three nights in a row so far I haven't been able to sleep. Stuff
on my mind but nothing unusual. And much as my body is eager to slip
in slumber, I fight. Essentially I am a two year old trying to stay up
to play. Barbies in my case, since I was convinced my parents (and
occasionally Merissa) were staying up late playing Barbies
("forbidden" or just never requested; there is still some debate).

I decided on an additional resolution for this year.
3) I will not make competitors enemies, internally or externally
i) I will not reduce them mentally to characters, one-dimensional
ii) I will remember that competitor's successes and failures don't
always reflect on me especially if I am taking a different path

There is no metric for tracking progress and it relies completely on
my perception of success. This could totally suck when I tried to
round it up at the end of the year. Should be interesting to say the
least.

New Year's Resolutions and Life Round Up

2011-01-03T09:44:00.004-05:00

So . . . I have not been super forthcoming to my blog readers. You've had to catch me in person to find the big news in my life: I have submitted some last minute (really last minute) applications to med schools. All East Coast schools (sorry, they had later deadlines!). I haven't wanted to talk about because I had the feeling like talking about it would jinx it. Plus I have a serious inferiority complex about med school and being an MD. I feel driven to be in the field but seriously less than everyone else who could (and does) apply each year. I haven't: worked in lab; inoculated children anywhere; received 3.7 GPA in the sciences. What I am hoping is that I would prove different enough, or at least interesting enough, to let into school.

My phrase for this season? Hail Mary (as in pass, from football?). I have said it so many times I am completely irritated with myself. I need to integrate some new sports terminology.

But I have gone further this year, inspite of the lateness. I have actually submitted secondary applications to two schools and am on track for two more, which I did not do the previous season. My chances are really small (I can't emphasize that enough). But for all the hedging I am doing I am still hopeful. Really hopeful. Completely NOT commensurate with my actual chances hopeful.

So my resolutions for this year, not surprisingly, have to do with med school and my job.

1) By January 1 next year I will be working in the medical field. Period. Either full or part time or in school working toward the same. End of story. I will be doing something that matters toward who I want to be and where I want to be. Everyone (myself included) will be happier when that happens.

2) By January 1 next year I will be either in medical school (totally off chance, but here's hoping) or completely done with secondary applications.
a) If I have to apply again next year, I will need to retake the MCAT (most schools won't take my score from tests more than 2 years old)

Needless to say, I need to get on the ball.

New Year's Eve Celebration

2011-01-01T01:00:00.000-05:00

Ironically

2010-12-23T00:02:00.003-05:00

I hate it when people just post pictures to a blog with no commentary. OR they are clearly missing big bits of life (ie she flew home to Seattle and isn't saying anything about it. WHY NOT!?).

So I flew home. And kitty and I both survived. I am not sure Shupa (Flora/my Dad's cat) is going to make it through. He seriously wants to be friends and little miss (Mei-Mei) is not about to have any of it. Again. It's a replay of last holiday season.

I am having a good time, even if I have managed to percolate a cold/sinus infection of some sort. So I far I have seen mostly my parents and Declan and Mary Alyce a couple of times. I really, really need to throw in my cousins (Riah and Jerusha, and kiddos!) and Robin (and Lorie Mae). Especially with the kiddos I feel like I am missing huge chunks of their lives. They are completely different. I am sure I won't even recognize Sheep cat from our brief introduction last year (yeah Gaby!).

So now I photo dump. And they aren't even mine! These are the hike my dad and I and his idiom class students went on Sunday. We had SOO much fun. I really enjoyed it. It did take a while (long while) to completely thaw out.

Seattle here I come . . .er Thursday

2010-12-14T13:14:00.004-05:00

I am so excited, I feel like I am rumbling from the bottom up (That may be my upset stomach from three cups of coffee though. Damn the free office coffee!). I am freaked out about money (Christmas and travel are never just the cost of the ticket) but I soooo pleased that I will be able to see my friends and family soon. I have never been away from "homebase" for so long. It's been an entire year since I last touched Washington (State of) soil. And while I have become accustomed and happy here in DC, there is a large part of my heart (Declan, Mary Alyce, Riah, Jerusha, Robin (and Lorie Mae), Hillary, Danielle, Mary and Marc, Aunt Janet, the list continues . . .) is bound to Seattle peoples. I am missing milestones, birthdays, first steps, first games. And all the non-milestones, the reading to kiddo at night, being available when a helping hand makes the difference. I am missing all of that too.

I am not moving back. I wish I could say I have a plan that makes that even remotely a possibility. Job economy being what it is, I don't forsee changes in the future. The only change even close will be school (keep me in thoughts and prayers; turn circles under the moon if you think that will help). Unless something alters, it won't be Seattle school even.

I have been lucky and blessed to be able to see my parents this year, even without going to Seattle. And Hillary! (I figure eventually even Dad will be forced to come visit me in DC if I have to stay long enough).

I guess what I am saying is: Life may be different; I can't make moving to Seattle a priority right now. But I am awfully glad to have loved ones like you (you know who you are) even when you are far away.

And in two days, most of you will be a heck of a lot closer!!

The rest of the White House Residence Photos

2010-12-13T13:25:00.008-05:00

Courtesy of Mashari! Who has no shame about taking pictures whenever, where ever. Which I can't quite pull off but I totally appreciate the results of.
Not my best pictures but they could be worse.

This shot is by the Christmas tree (there were dozens!) by the residence portico entrance (see picture below)

Me showing of the house (and the dumpster? "22"?) Mashari and I enjoying the break in a work day.

The trees lining the door had crystal/glass drips that caught the light and looked like glittering ice. It was really cool.

Another shot of those really awesome wreaths made of gourds of some sort.
This is Mashari's favorite room, the red room. It definitely felt the "warmest", the most inviting, even though it was as formal as the rest of the house!

The "gingerbread" house below is case in white chocolate and has little cut aways so you can see inside two rooms in the building. It was the highlight for the all school kids that were on our tour.

Another shot into the blue room, looking at the Christmas tree. That one was complete ginormous and took up a lot of space.

Last year's tree light ceremony, I think.

Am I old, thrifty or just nuts?

2010-12-10T16:37:00.001-05:00

What does it say about a person when you get kinda excited by the nice freezer bag someone hands over some nuts in?

Very few things can do relaxation as well as a cat

2010-12-10T14:39:00.000-05:00

Friday night agrees with Mei-mei

White House residence tour pictures

2010-12-09T15:24:00.001-05:00

I will post more pictures once I steal them from Mari, but these are the sampling of photos from my White House Residence tour yesterday. Normally tours are through the West Wing, the working wing, so to speak. But Jesse (Mashari's awesome friend who happens to have grown up right down the street for where my parents now live, in unincorporated Lynnwood) got tickets for the girls bible study (unofficially the PGBS). Unfortunately, Merissa and Janet weren't able to make it, but Jesse joined us which was so much fun!!

Pomegranate wreath

This really large cotton shag-esque reproduction was of the First dog. Who I got to see on the lawn playing while we were there! I am still bummed they didn't get a mutt from the pound. But how can you turn down a dog this cute? You can't!

This wreath made of small gourds was in the same hallway as the pomegranate wreath. The effect was really impressive. and don't you love the crystal/ice effect they added to the branches surrounding the doorway?

This ginormous tree was in the Blue Room. And no, its not hanging from the ceiling and the ceiling is not slanted. The wheat Christmas tree topper is just that tall.

From the Washington monument.

2010-12-09T14:37:00.002-05:00

Catching up in pictures doesn't give much info or background. Unfortunately, my friends, I have fallen off the blogger bandwagon. Somewhere along the line the things I wanted to really write about became too close to share, to important or uncomfortable to expose. Uncovering depths I didn't know were there is an . . . interesting? (painful? healthful? helpful?) process. My wellspring of pitter-patter chatter seems to have run a little dry.

It doesn't hurt that I think of my everyday life as boring: feed the cat, go to work, eat lunch, come home, feed the cat, do housework, do bills, watch TV, go to bed. Start all over again.

But some days are good. Like this day where we all (Merissa, Jesse, Mashari, and her Mom) all went up in the Washington Monument. It was soo much fun.

It's busy in my brain

2010-11-15T11:01:00.001-05:00

Work is . . . work. I have something due for review in 1 hour. So of course I can't concentrate and finish the darn thing. . .

I am enjoying this musical jem.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=129754791

2010-10-12T23:58:00.000-04:00

Garden

2010-10-12T23:57:00.002-04:00

Dogs at night

2010-10-12T23:57:00.001-04:00

A rare quiet moment.

Quote an interesting meditation

2010-09-29T09:45:00.002-04:00

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. - Sidney J. Harris

This rings true to me, though I am not sure it actually is. And since I am the queen of things left undone in my personal goals (or at least part of the royal family) this could be considered tragic.

Saturday in the garden with mom

2010-09-19T12:56:00.001-04:00

Sent from my iPhone

Not sure I can put the curtains back up

2010-09-13T20:57:00.000-04:00

Because the view is so stunning without them ...

Be Denmark: Lower your expectations

2010-09-07T14:39:00.003-04:00

According to recent research (thank you NPR), the secret of happiness is an income of ~$70,000/year and low expectations.

Does this make anyone else depressed?

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/08/world/europe/08iht-danes.4140472.html

Although, I do think maybe its good. Do good. Do your best. Be surprised and pleased even with small good.

Day 2- My first great love (in great detail)

2010-09-06T21:21:00.002-04:00

You thought I forgot this little exercise. Well, I didn't !

My first great love. Honestly, I hope it hasn't happened yet. My love life has been distinctly anticlimactic. My friends have fallen in and out of love with apparent easy, I hold romantic relationships and guys not "safe" at some distance (safe= gay, attached, or completely not right/unavailable). I am getting better as I get older, as my recent forays into the DC meat market can tell. And I see a bit more success. But still nothing that makes me lose my tight, fist-clenching grip on common sense and cynicism.

My first "love" (it was 6th grade and doesn't really deserve the word, but oh well). Ryan. Ironically blonde and blue eyed. I still "accidentally" date that type, even though I prefer a darker look. He was shyish, but popular. Lots of girls wanted to "go out" with him. I think we actually ended up at some social event "together" (parents preparing for an auction or something to that nature).

My first boyfriend came at the same time. While my love "went out" with someone else, I agreed to go out with Rob. He was kinda cute dorky, brown hair. Eager to please. When he asked me out several days in a row he offered to "change however you want." Cuz that's a brilliant dating philosophy. He is probably completely darling now. We date for the length of two recesses during a single day. Then I backed out because I felt so bad that wasn't interested in him really at all. I just wanted to be part of the cool kid crowd who all had boyfriends.

I am glad I am not in 6th grade anymore.

Bud's new shoes

2010-08-27T11:35:00.001-04:00

They are kinda awesome. Total throw back to the 80's.

Stealing Me Too- Day 1 Introduction

2010-08-26T15:45:00.003-04:00

My beloved cousin Riah has begun doing this. I can't promise to be as pithy and awesome, I refuse to promise to go into great detail. But I don't think this is a bad exercise for me. And hopefully it will be entertaining and enlightening for my readers (also known as my family).

(Oh, and I also do not promise to complete this in all sequential days, but I will complete it.)
Schedule-
Day 01 - Introduction
Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail
Day 03 – Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 – What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05 – Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 06 – Your day, in great detail
Day 07 – Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08 – A moment, in great detail
Day 09 – Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 11 – Your siblings, in great detail
Day 12 – What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 13 – This week, in great detail
Day 14 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 15 – Your dreams, in great detail
Day 16 – Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 17 – Your favorite memory, in great detail
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 – Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 – This month, in great detail
Day 21 – Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 – Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 – A first, in great detail
Day 26 – Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 – Your favourite place, in great detail
Day 28 – Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 – Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 – One last moment, in great detail

Introduction: I am me. I am a daughter; I am an analyzer; I am a sister; I am a dog lover; I am caretaker. One day I hope to become a healer.

I thought I would be someone else by now, but I am not. Over years, that's becoming ok.

I am just me. Nothing more. And certainly nothing less.

Wishes are like...

2010-08-26T15:04:00.000-04:00

Wishes are like dandelions, there must be fertile ground and no anxious gardener around
-Tanya Green

Traffic for 10 days-Beijing

2010-08-24T11:16:00.002-04:00

Heard about this from my friend Ben Morrell. Holy cow.
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/dr-gridlock/2010/08/chinese_traffic_jam_hits_10-da.html

New project #4

2010-08-23T23:07:00.003-04:00

Yep, I started a new project at work. Again. Man I need to grow up and go back to school and do something I truly love and believe in. If only I felt sure all the time that I knew what that actually was.

I started working for a really awesome PM, who had been a colleague on a previous project. Unfortunately the project may end soon, we aren't sure. We are up for recompete on this project too. I live in a wasteland of short term contracts. Thank goodness I finally took a leap on an apartment. If I kept waiting for something long term, I might never be going anywhere.

On this project, I finally get to be an analyst instead of an admin. Officially. On the last job, I totally made up my own title. I don't take appointments for someone elses calendar, I don't handle a general phone line, and I don't have to deal exclusively with one messy government client. Just a group of four clients, all battling for supremacy. Which may end up being worse after all.

Let you know how it goes. I may have to go into witness protection, but one day, I will find a venue for the ridiculousness I have been privy to working for the government.

Self-editing, truth and graciousness in discourse

2010-08-23T22:50:00.002-04:00

"if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Yes, its good advice in a difficult situations. My mom generally didn't say that to me a lot, but she did say it. As I learn more about myself, as I grow up and explore my and hopefully end some of my more irritating and debilitating hang-ups, I wonder: am I say truth and giving honesty when its right, even when its not nice? Especially to myself. Denying feels doesn't end them. Feelings don't have to be fair to be real, to be felt, to effect decisions.

So I will work to be honest with myself. And kind in my speech. Except when it is right (I pray) to speak truth in love.

And here I will end. Because I am self-editing.

Happy pictures

2010-08-21T16:48:00.000-04:00

Mashari meris and I cracking each other up at merissa's work event.
The bugs loved the people. But over all it turned out really well!

Declan turned 8

2010-08-19T23:02:00.002-04:00

Declan turned 8 today. And for the first time ever (except the actual birthing day) I am not there to celebrate. I hurt with missing my family. My mom would remind me how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family to miss. But right now it just hurts.

Poll: Could You Live With Only 100 Things?

2010-08-10T13:42:00.000-04:00

Poll: Could You Live With Only 100 Things?
I have to admit, I really don't think I could. Excellent article.

They never met an awkward social situation they didn't like

2010-08-09T16:09:00.004-04:00

Apparently there is "surprise" farewell party for me on Thursday. Unfortunately since I get everyone's calendar invites, it's not so much a surprise. Except, I have only been here for 5 months. And frankly, they couldn't cough up a position that would keep anywhere near the manner to which I am accustomed (ie paying student loans AND eating).

Let you know how it goes. Sounds awkward.

First a bomb scare, then a fire alarm, now regular government irritating jargon

2010-08-09T13:09:00.005-04:00

When I arrived at work this morning, I was literally turned away by FPS and the DC Metro Police. There was a bomb scare. I turned it to my favor and I shot up to Target to get a prescription I needed. Finally one entrance of the building was cleared by 10am. Apparently a painter was using a suitcase to carry his brushes and had a cell phone charging next to it, plugged in outside the building. They then used the fire alarm going off for a few minutes to inform us that the "all clear" had been given. Given how jumpy the 2 hour bomb saga made everyone in the building, I think the fire alarm might be a bit much.

It's amazing how much nonsense can be said in a single 20 minute period. Today during a staff meeting with my primary government client, he tried to refer to a big meeting that happened last week and praise everyone for coming together to help make it happen. Unfortunately for him, there was also, what could politely be termed "cat fight" on the same day before the event. Yelling, name calling, and physical intimidation (though the person swears that was not her intent) were all on the menu. Someone even reportedly called the cops (though they didn't show up as far as I know).

I hate it when say things like "look in the mirror" for the problem or "these people have our full support" or we are a"customer-focused" organization. As my wise father once said, "if you need to say it, it probably isn't true." Or in the case of the mirror, I have generally found most problems originate with the person espousing that line, someone who is trying to deflect attention from their own failures by pointing to other people.

But deflecting is something we all do. Like me. Because I am deflecting everyone and myself from focusing on the terrifying fact that I am not in medical school yet. And internally I am deflecting myself from my fear of applying and starting medical school. That I really need to figure myself out. Soon. But don't talk to me about med school yet. Please. It's scary enough without feedback. Trust me, talking about isn't going to make this better. But I am working on it.

Moments when time slows

2010-08-03T09:48:00.003-04:00

I need one of those moments. When time slows down. Somehow I have made it "here", wherever here is, and yet I didn't mean to be "here." I think most folks come to some point like this in life. Generally, I think it's called a mid-life crisis. I want life to slow down so I can somehow make decisions.

And yet I am healthy and employed. A depressingly funny quote from Ben Morrell (yeah, high school drama friends) edges things into some perspective.
"L: You have a 1/11mil chance of crashing in a plane
B: I have a 1/25mil chance of getting this type of cancer I have! #FeelingPessamisticRWe"

The speed at which time passes should free me from worry, right? After all, I worried in January about moving and committing to anything when my job was uncertain. I worried about getting into a lease which wouldn't let me move back to Seattle right after I finished Georgetown. Yet I am still here, two+ years later.

Maybe this could be termed existential crisis. Probably not though. I'll let you know.

2010-08-02T22:36:00.001-04:00

Hmm pictures of me.

2010-08-02T22:27:00.001-04:00

Sitting pretty in my lap.

Clyde playing at shirlington dog park

2010-07-20T18:49:00.000-04:00

ToneChecker

2010-07-20T17:02:00.002-04:00

My friend Ben Morrell posted this. A quick check confirms, this could be a hilarious invention for never getting anything said.

ToneChecker Plugin for Outlook

This was just what I needed after a long day at work.

Snippet of jazz in the sculpture garden

2010-07-19T21:55:00.000-04:00

Kelly playing with a bug

2010-07-19T21:54:00.000-04:00

Kelly playing with a bug

2010-07-19T21:53:00.000-04:00

4th of July finale +

2010-07-04T21:30:00.000-04:00

It just kept going. And going.

The ladies at Laguna, CA

2010-06-27T21:42:00.000-04:00

Aunt Myrna, Mom and I on the lanai at Laguna.

Family enjoying the parade

2010-06-26T21:23:00.000-04:00

Flora's butterfly

2010-06-26T19:48:00.001-04:00

Disney sense of humor

2010-06-26T19:04:00.001-04:00

After standing in the wet section for the World of Color show

2010-06-26T02:50:00.000-04:00

The family Disney adventure starts!

2010-06-25T13:45:00.001-04:00

Starting the Disney adventure

2010-06-25T13:43:00.000-04:00

Flora's first trip. Isn't she cute?

Then again Rome wasn't built in a day

2010-06-22T00:08:00.000-04:00

Definitely still have a LOT of boxes left.

It's starting to look like a malia house

2010-06-22T00:06:00.000-04:00

No Martha Stewart

2010-06-21T20:22:00.000-04:00

No it won't win next month's cover of Martha Stewart. But it's fun and
wonderful to have one room in the house actually put together!

2010-06-21T19:40:00.001-04:00

The elements of my style or more comedic than serene. I figured as long as I have to live with the brown bamboo wallpaper, I mind as well have fun with it. I drew the line at the plastic "grass skirt" shower curtain. Should be funny anyway!

Government and other bizarre lifeforms

2010-06-21T10:59:00.003-04:00

Apparently one of the many microwave ovens that keep the office running (figuratively of course) died. A new one was promptly ordered to replace it. When Alice, the summer hire went to switch the units out, she found the old one wasn't broken, just unplugged.

Today is the first official day of summer. Considering it's hotter than blazes (estimated to be mid-90's this afternoon) I think it has been Summer for quite some time.

Cookoo bird.

2010-06-18T19:58:00.000-04:00

Me and an emu kept running back and forth with each other along the
fence.

Checking out the balcony

2010-06-15T18:53:00.000-04:00

Metro. Again.

2010-06-15T09:09:00.000-04:00

I sit waiting for a train at dupont. The station was packed when I got
here. Then the train off loaded. Partially because it was too full to
close the doors. When they finally moved the train off the platform
(15 minutes later), the station populace was disgruntled to say the
least. Now we sit moving slowly, at the next station, breathing air
made hot by too many bodies and the dc summer.

I am not the first, nor will I be the last to complain about DC's
notorious red line. But as the makeup melts off my face and I send
texts to office to give them a heads up, I needed the feeling of
sympathy of describing my troubles to an audience.

Thunderstorms approaching

2010-06-14T18:40:00.000-04:00

My walls new color

2010-06-14T18:02:00.000-04:00

Got to love dc rush hour on metro

2010-06-14T17:51:00.001-04:00

That's my complete thought. Somehow I must love this torture or else
why would I keep submitting to it daily.

Adventures in Malia-land

2010-06-13T16:22:00.001-04:00

I moved into the new place yesterday. All the really heavy stuff got
moved with the help of my friends Bud, Mashari and Merissa. We spent
about 2 hours moving and loading and unloading. 3 cars filled to the
brim. I still have more to clean and grab at the old place. And my
whole body is sore. I did more moving and errands by myself last night.

But that's not the adventure. That started this morning when I went to
get Rebecca at the door, who graciously agreed to paint a few walls in
the apartment with me. I locked the bottom lock to be safer last night
and relied on it this morning. The last tenant didn't tell me (or the
landlord) that she never had the key to the bottom lock. I was well
and truly locked out of the apartment. With Rebecca, my phone and my
useless keys.

We tried the neighbor who shares the balcony (wasn't home) and the
locksmith recommended by the condo association (didn't have a working
car) and kept striking out. We finally got a locksmith who promised to
arrive in roughly 1/2 hour. In the mean time, another friend arrived
and after 20 minutes and two AAA wallet cards, he had the door open.
After looking at the lock and the door jam, the locksmith commended my
friend on his skill at breaking in. It was apparently a next to
impossible feat. And when he put a new bottom door lock on, he drilled
it slightly wider to prevent anyone from being able to do it again.

Thank goodness for the kindness of friends.

My first balcony sunset

2010-06-12T20:24:00.000-04:00

This is the photo everyone in the office saw

2010-06-11T16:34:00.003-04:00

In fact, it went out in email. Yep, that's the back of me. Playing putt-putt golf. And getting a hole in one!

The office dancing.

2010-06-10T14:17:00.000-04:00

So times my office sucks. And the job is boring. But some days, it's
actually pretty rhythmic.

The office lost power. And I just thought I was going crazy

2010-06-09T14:54:00.000-04:00

That's pretty much it. I have been very tired today. But when the
whole office when pitch black for a few seconds I thought I was having
a migraine or blacking out for a minute. Nope. It really was the
power. Now my computer is thinking it may turn on again. Sometime in
the next century.

Sometimes you just need a snuggle with a green-eyed friend

2010-06-08T23:56:00.001-04:00

807 pictures

2010-06-08T18:21:00.000-04:00

807 pictures

2010-06-08T18:20:00.000-04:00

807 pictures

2010-06-08T18:19:00.000-04:00

Merissa's house tour

2010-05-27T23:03:00.001-04:00

Merissa's house tour

2010-05-27T23:03:00.000-04:00

Merissa's house tour

2010-05-27T23:02:00.001-04:00

Merissa's house tour

2010-05-27T23:02:00.000-04:00

Moving into Merissa's new place

2010-05-27T22:58:00.001-04:00

Brownies Merissa style

2010-05-26T22:15:00.001-04:00

See the water ring around the edge? Merissa forgot it and mixed it in
in the pan afterward. It was a mess.

Evening at the stream

2010-05-25T20:30:00.002-04:00

Evening at the stream

2010-05-25T20:30:00.001-04:00

This is not the twelve days of ICE mail

2010-05-24T16:43:00.003-04:00

I received in the mail: one request from a lawyer demanding his client be released after a lengthy detention and repeated requests; and four finger print cards for recent detainees. The horrible part about these both is the neither is the fault of ICE. The lawyer for the first guy has been sending mail to the wrong locations for the last 4 months at the least. Clearly Office of Acquisition Management would not be the correct location for either of these things. I forwarded them both post-haste to a program office more likely to know how to deal with them. It just makes me so sad someone has been waiting around for their lawyer to know enough about immigration law to not send it to wrong address.